Kick me, I’m a rolling rock!

You know what they say: rolling stones are the ones that are slaves to trends. They need to keep an eye out for new trends, mainstream music and fashion. Something that I never quite got. Somehow this dumbed-down society works best for the lambs that agree to follow it.
And that’s shit.

The meaning of living is progress. To be original and free from the shit they try to sell you, and say “fuck it, I’ll make my own staircase to heaven”. I’m not one of those bastards who sell themselves to the market to be individuals, but man, if you want to be just like everyone else, something is very wrong with you. And of course, I hate you for that. Nothing is more irritating than a whiny idiot who can’t help his/her own life in any way to make it more enjoyable. You have the fucking fist that is supposed to break the windows and fuck the bad guys in the ass.

Oh the ideals. I’m not for revolution. There should be a mass-movement for a revolution, and that does not work. It never will, ’cause most people feel secure leading the boring lives they have. But something that every person has to do sometime is to revolutionize themselves. The monkeys who make you want money and power have nothing else to relate to, nothing else to remind themselves of their importance. So screw all that, it’s not fucking worth it.

And just, you know, fucking enjoy while doing what you do. Nothing works if you ask too much from yourself, it soon becomes pretentious bullshit.

Conquer your life. Commit yourself to it. Control those who try to control you.

-Zack

Politicians, what assholes

The race of Mccain and Obama has been going for a while now. For quite a fucking awfully long while, to be precise. And all for bullshit.

OK, I have to admit the fact that Obama-Biden could not be as bad as Bush-Cheney-cocksuckers. But let’s be honest, which pair could? I mean, really, those assholes must be the most stupid idiots in the history of the United States, and not being as bad as them means that you’re a human. They are not. Dammit.

Something I can’t understand is this: how the hell do people believe that Obama could “change” things? Ok, he is a president of the US, but that does not mean that he has the power. “OO, a conspiracy-freak eh?” I see you thinking. But if you think for a while, you will see that the power does not lay in the hands of a single man. Bush couldn’t even tie his shoelaces. How the heck could he decide what to do with Iraq? And by the way, he does not even know what the difference is with Sunnis and Shia’s. How could he have done anything?

So where does the power lay? Well, with the greater companies and big families of the US. Of course it does, they have the money, and money, especially in America, is power.
Obama might change some minor things, but he cannot decide about the bigger subjects, ’cause let’s face it, he is just the president of the United States of America.

But okay, for fuck sakes, please vote Obama IF you will vote. I certainly won’t, ’cause there would not be a significant difference. Mccain is even bigger of an asshole.

The most important thing is the smallest assholes.

-Zack

A Letter to Chris Kosnick

Hiya, Chris. I’m sitting on a bus-stop thinking about something to say. You have inspired me so much over the last ten years that it is hard getting my thoughts together.

When I first heard your 90’s stoner-collective, Black NASA, I had a massive erection. Why? Because the music made me have it, it made me feel powerful and told me that everything was just as I wanted it to be.
That was the first love-connection I had formed with ANYTHING at all. Shit, that might’ve been the only reason why I started playing.
And that wasn’t the only band you had, no.

The Atomic Bitchwax should be the band that everyone has to listen to when they are young, so that musicians will rise from the dust and challenge every human in power. Your first creations with TAB, 1 and 2, were great, jamming songs with killer riffs and stylish output.
And then Mundell left, and you Ryan came along.
I LIKED 3, I did not love it. There was some loose songs that would have needed to be cut out. But then came TAB 4, and I understood why TAB3 wasn’t such a great success. You didn’t connect with Ryan all that well then, but now, oh my god. You have done something so great in the name of music that I almost instantly came when I heard the first notes of “4″.

You, dear sir, are the thing why music is played. You follow your own directions in music, you follow your own head. And while doing so, you create something that has merged with my sub-conscious mind so often. If there would be one man in this country that I would like to give the rights to lead the USA, you would be the man. I sincerely believe that the world would unite with the sole power of your mighty music, fucking and smoking pot, thinking why people need religions and stupid politicians to tell them what to do, when all the while they could have lived in peace, loving each other.

I’m not a fucking hippie, though, and that has to be said so that no dopesmokers make me their hero. But you are awesome man.
I hope your band will break through in the whole world.

Yours Sincerely

-Zack Snyder

Another 15 minutes

This might become one of my daily treats for you lot, a fifteen-minute rant on things I totally hate. Mostly the people.
First off teenagers. Nobody cares about your business. No one would like to know about your boring life. There is not a single person on this earth that gives a shit about your lives. Everyone was and will be a teenager, true, but now that I’ve been over that stage of my life for ten years, I really hate everything about you. Your subjects, your phenomenons (lastly the emo-culture and the so called “rock-movement” which has nothing to with music, just record-companies and their new ways of making money out of the idiots that they call “trendy costumers”), your hobbies. I truly, really, from the bottom of my heart hate you, and that should leave only one option for you all.
Erase your stupidity or fuck off.

I also hate old people. Especially the ones who take advantage of their age. Nobody wants to be fucking 70 or 80, I know that, and it is also nice to fuck with people, I just hate the fact that half of these skeletons want to kick the new culture into shit and replace it with their own, conservative bullshit.
Look at you. You are grey, dull and dumber than you were sixty years ago. Nobody cares about you anymore and the only people you loved all your life have deserted you to your own appartments and old people’s homes. You will never be “hip” again. So suck it hard and be quiet.

And oh, you trendy 40-year-olds. Fuck you. You make me sick with your clothing which usually consists of shades of gray and boredom. You are beginning to grow old and the fade away-process has already begun. Just act like humans, for christs sake, and get out of the damned streets with your “fancy” (read: grossly ugly) new Volvo-farmers and crawl back in to your luxurious holes on the suburbs.

-Zack

Five reasons why Californication is the best series on TV right now

1. David Duchovny. The great killer of aliens, an abducted genious. He plays a novelist, Hank Moody, who has been fucked royally by the movie business, turning his book “God Hates Us All” into a romantic comedy called “A Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. His style of life fascinates me, he likes beautiful women, fast cars and intelligent conversations, just what I’m after in my life. Actually he is an older me, only with a slower car (he drives a Porsche) and more books (why buy shit when you have libraries?).

2. The show has fucking fabolous women in it. And don’t only mean the lookers, but actually intelligent AND beautiful chicks. They truly make my white guys boil. Damn it if they were really like that. All the pretty ladies I’ve met have been hellishly stupid.

3. He whacks up a guy in almost every episode. Now if bashing random guys faces in wouldn’t be good enough, he also gets to kick the A Crazy Little Thing Called Love -director in the face. Unbelievably satisfying (and fucking cool, nonetheless).

4. The show is shot on LA. Do I really have to tell you how this effects the whole feeling of the show? It seems to always be warm in there, and women wear less clothes. Every house has a swimming pool. You get my drift? If not, go put your head in your oven. Or jump off a bridge. You’re dumb.

5. The guy wins every conversation. He has just the right words for the right events, and for the right people. If you want to be badly bitch-slapped by the mighty pencil, say something vicious about Hank Moody on your local newspaper. Try it, fuckhead, you won’t survive it.

Watch it.

-Zack

A letter to Tom Delonge

Hi Tom, this is your number 1 fan, writing for you from New York.

I’d like to start by telling you how much I enjoyed your music ten years ago. Blink 182 was a phenomenon and, on my opinion, a great one too. Your fusion of pop-melodies to the then-dead American punk-scene was quite refreshing and, to say the least, entertaining. You three created something that was going to push the whole american mainstream to another era in music.

But sadly all good things must come to an end. The two albums which got mainstream success (Enema of the State and Take Off Your Pants and Jacket) were followed by a totally different Blink 182, with a record called, genously, “Blink 182″. It contained songs which would show a more adult band. And yes, it was more adult. It was, sadly, still shit. A turd dancing on my table telling me I just spent 20 bucks on a collection of bad music in a disc. But yeah, I didn’t complain, your live shows were still fun.
And then you stopped working with your bros.

I’m not saying that it was easy to get a job done with Mark and Travis, but lets face it, based on the countless interviews I’ve read it appears that you were the dick here. You made the making of a new record a son-of-a-bitch and then left. “OK”, I thought, “Tom’s a smart guy, he’ll do something great on his own”. You announced a new project, I accepted it and waited. And that’s when the shit hit your number one fan.

Angels & Airwaves is not bad. I can’t call it bad, ’cause it must be a joke. I mean come ON, etherial guitars, a space-theme and a new emo-haircut? Angsty lyrics with a scent of FUCKING HORRIBILISM smudged all over them? A song that sais “It hurts” a hundred times in the intro and then continues with the horrible mantra all through the song? You couldn’t be serious about this. Still, my belief in your skill to create anything were shattered almost to bits. I just wanted to see if you could make something to remember anymore, so that’s why I also checked out your latest album. And if you compare “We Don’t Need to Whisper” to “I Empire”, I must say that the first album was quite decent.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU? I MEAN COME ON YOU ASSHOLE, A STAR WARS THEME AGAIN? ARTWORK KILLING MY EVERY GOOD MEMORY OF THE SW-SAGA, SHOWING YOU ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE HAN SOLO? FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR MOTHER, FUCK YOUR GRANDMOTHER AND FUCK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY TOO.
And by the way, two cd’s full of spacey shit covered with your sloppy vocals might be a good idea in your head, but it sounds like fucking aliens with a stick to all other people.

I hate you.

Yours Sincerely

-Zack Snyder

15 minutes

The key to a great blog is to keep it fresh. I have a time limit now, so I’m going to have to be fast and inform you about the things I see around me. I’m writing this from a library so there’s different kinds of people here.

The first thing I’d like to say is this: skinheads, you look stupid. And I’m talking about the fucking whiteface renegades who think that parents and ancestors mean more than shit in todays mixed cultural environment. You look dumb with your boots and leather-jackets, fat bellys and armypants. I want you to die, please kill yourselves immediately. All of you!
I hope my magick works.

For all of you nerds out there, read carefully:

1) Get better looking clothes. You look ugly. Your clothes don’t even fit you, so why can’t you buy new ones? Do you really need to buy a new and more shiny computer every fucking year?
2) WASH YOUR ARMPITS EVERY MORNING AND AFTER THAT, USE DEODORANT. It is very important that you remember this. You stink like raccoons with bad diarrhea.
3) Die.

Emo-gothic kids, hear me! You are a danger to the human race. It seems that you are here only to amuse us Gods or to make other people feel sorry for you. Well they don’t feel sorry for you, they pity you. I feel that you have a greater plan of taking over the world, but ask yourselves: Could really lead a revolution with a bunch of whining faggots? I doubt it.

Six minutes to go, let’s attack some more people.

Truckdrivers, please, just go to your local pub and get laid. You wouldn’t need those ugly Playboy-calendars from 1962 anymore.
Familymen, keep your children out of public places. I fucking hate kids, and so should every rationally thinking person in this world. They smell bad and irritate the living shit out of me every time I have to encounter with these little people.

And all other people who feel left out: fuck you too! You are an abomination of human life.

From the deepest chambers of my heart

-Zack

Ramsay rammed up my ass

“Your menu, my restaurant”.

This seems to be the catch-phrase of Gordon Ramsay in the shitblast they call “Hell’s Kitchen”. It’s nothing new for people who like to sit on their asses all day and watch the tube, but for me, even though having heard about it, the concept was a new experience.

Ramsay is not stupid. He has made millions by creating a show based on fucking regular chef’s minds by shouting his ass off in their faces. Unfortunately the main element of the show does not work.
Gordon, you suck. You are not scary, even though you like to think that shouting at peoples faces makes you intimidating. You’re just a small man with a great restaurant empire, an unconfident asshole with weasels stuck in your scrotum.

Your show, my opinion. Fuck you. Take your multi-million concept out of my TV-set, and go fuck a monkey or something just as weird because nothing else seems to make you forget the size of your tiny-winy penis. Your money does not make you a great chef or a ladies man.

-Zack

Hi, fuckers!

Let us get some things straight. You don’t know me. Right now the concept of “you” is quite random in my head, I really wouldn’t know what it means except that the word “you” singles me out of the group. That just bring us to our point: you don’t know me either.
Yet.

In the next year or so, you will know me. You might be asking yourselves “Why? Why the hell would I give a rotten fat rats ass about this guys crappy blog?”.
Let me tell you why, you cynical bastards. Because this blog is going to rip your mind and the worlds intellect apart, plant some explosives and kick away the lobotomy most of you have been suffering from.

I know stuff. And I do know the fact that you hear this overused phrase a lot these days but the effect is different in this one.
I fucking do. I also believe this is quite unpopular these days, knowing things, forming thoughts of your own. That is also why, inevitably, I’ve got bigger brains than you. And believe me when I say this, I am smarter than any of you fuckbags.

I am also giving myself the right to express my opinions in the name of free speech. Even though you don’t have the balls to speak for yourself, I’ve got words like silver bullets and I’m ready to blow ‘em out of this violent mouth of mine. This manner of writing may involve cursing, referring to violence and some pictures of homemade porn.
Ok, not the porn part. You are still warned.
I will be handling interesting factors of human life, including religion, politics and pop-culture. Everything I am interested in will be involved.

So wake up and concentrate, ’cause your up for a heavy trip.

-Zack